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Archive for January, 2016

The Start

These days I feel like I’m at the start of the grandest adventure, looking into the foggy distance and catching tiny glimpses of the terrific, terrifying, absolutely grand journey ahead.

 

Like how I used to be able to fool myself that my time was my own when I was newly married…how that concept has quickly disappeared with one child and is bound to fully disappear with a few more.

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Like how I can understand how marriages become tired with a million extra responsibilities piled on…two people who are used to relying on each other being simultaneously overwhelmed, unable to help one another.  Bitterness can happen.  You can lose a sense of who you are when you are focused on making all the dreams happen for the littles.  It might happen to us one day at times…I pray we can guard against it and love like Christ through the exhaustion.

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Like how easy it is to be sucked into the American dream….the perfect house, the best career….the things I promised myself I wouldn’t be suckered into…the things that don’t last.  Seek to invest in those around me, and in the little souls entrusted me.

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Like how my heart will most likely continue to expand, reach new places of awareness, see new places of sensitivity as we grow our family.  Understanding now what my mom was doing all those nights I woke up to find her whispering to me that I was loved…now that I go to check my child in the middle of the night.  Yes, she’s still breathing.

New fears at 2 am when I wake my husband with questions like, “Will we need a fence to block off the highway?  Is there a smoke alarm in the nursery?  Do you know how to dive!?”, and realizing how terrifying it must have been for my mom to watch me jump into the deep end, pushing myself to the bottom of the pool, as she watched, fully aware she couldn’t swim.

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Like how I see more of Christ’s heart for me as I learn how to brokenly parent.

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Like how His characteristics are the only steady on the late nights where I contemplate the future, what I need to learn, what I need to be, who I am in Him.

This life is a terrific, terrifying, absolutely grand adventure.  And it’s just beginning.

 

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