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Archive for March, 2015

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A pregnant girl’s gotta do what a pregnant girl’s gotta do.

There were many things that I didn’t anticipate with pregnancy:
-The frequent trips to the bathroom
-The two months of being terrifically sick all the time
-The lower back pain
-The way my heart would feel the first time I realized we were having a baby
-The deep love I would feel for a tiny someone who just came into my life a few weeks ago
-The intense joy the first time we saw our little one
-A continued better understanding of the way Christ must love us, His children

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But…
I didn’t anticipate the worry I would feel.
I’ve trusted God through some heart wrenching circumstances, so I was caught completely off guard by the worry that swept over me regarding our little one.
The first few weeks I was honestly terrified to love….scared to invest emotions or hope into our little blessing, convinced we would lose him/her. Having witnessed my mother miscarry and being surrounded by others who miscarried, I accepted this as my fate. I truly wished to skip ahead to when we were certain we could keep this life.

The Lord has been faithful to speak to me through the Word and my godly husband.

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D has consistently prayed with me at night, corrected me when I doubted, spoken deep truths to me that I’ve known for ages but failed to recently believe.

Why is it so easy to trust the Lord with my life but fail to trust Him with the life He has created and entrusted me with?

The words of Psalm 139 have been my prayer, my comfort, my rebuke.

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They hang on my fridge now, as a daily reminder.  The phrase “fearfully” in the original Greek means “with great reverence and heartfelt respect” and “wonderfully” translates as “unique, set apart, uniquely marvelous”.  So incredible!  My eyes still mist over when I ponder “How precious to me are your thoughts, oh God! How vast is the sum of them!  Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand.”

The God who created me, who treasures me, who watches over me, who has always been faithful….the God of me is the God of my husband, the God of my child…He loves us each deeper, more perfectly than anyone could ever love us.

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There will never be a time I will be certain of my child’s safety…and I doubt it will ever get easier.  But I’d better start learning now to trust the One who loves us more than we could imagine.

Oh, this is already a crazy adventure, and I am already greatly humbled by my inadequacies.

But He is so faithful to show Himself greatly in the midst of our failings, am I right?

Terrifically humbled, excited, and anticipating,

-T

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